Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
