whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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