dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I enjoy the company of your penis
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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