she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
