Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
