You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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