I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
