I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
