Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
