You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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