your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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