Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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