so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
