Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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