True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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