I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
