I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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