So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize