I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
