Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
