im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
