FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
