What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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