i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
