my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize