I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
