if you like me you must not know who I am
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Text me some of your sweat
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
