do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
