I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
