Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
