If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
