You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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