There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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