we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
