I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
