dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
