She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
