I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the day after is always just damage control
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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