I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
