You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
