i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
