nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
