There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
