We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
