Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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