i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
