He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
