There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
