You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
