Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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