she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
