life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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