Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize