so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
