I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
