and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
