Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize