don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
