My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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