She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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