That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
