i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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