may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
