Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
