I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
