So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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