Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
