So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
