this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
