I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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