drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
