Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
